Lincoln and the formal education of puppies.



This past Monday, Oscar and Felix graduated from puppy training school. They were very indifferent* since their diplomas were neither food nor underwear. On Monday, they start the intermediate dog class. The dogs are still half-jerks and we want them to be 2 non-jerks.

Now for Lincoln...

As I sat on the couch this evening, sipping my rolling rock greenlight, I caught one of those one reel wonders



on TCM. I caught it in the middle,so I don't know what the theme was though I suspect it had something to do with patriotism and history as it was a reel from the late 40s, early 50s...and quite lame might I add.

So as I'm paying attention to Oscar, I noticed that some blind guy in a hospital is talking to Abraham Lincoln (no doubt a civil war soldier...I know he was blind because he was wearing a blind fold.) He recited the first half of the Gettysburg Address, then lincoln finished off the second part. As actor Lincoln finished up the Address, I noticed that the Gettysburg Address ends thusly: "that we here highly resolve that these dead shall not have died in vain, that this nation under God shall have a new birth of freedom, and that government of the people, by the people, for the people shall not perish from the earth."

Notice the familiar phrase, "nation under God." Well, I read a long article in the Atlantic about Lincoln and though he was a Christian, he was not evangelical. Then I remember learning that the Eisenhower administration had put the phrase "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance. I didn't believe that Lincoln would have put that phrase in, and after 5 minutes of research, I found digitized versions of the first two drafts of the Address at the LC website. And guess what?!, no "under God" to be found. If you don't believe me, see for yourself http://www.loc.gov/exhibits/gadd/gadrft.html


*=Yes I did that on purpose, it is a joke.

Adj.

1.

cityfied - being or having the customs or manners or dress of a city person

Amen.

I guess I was feeling a little too comfortable in this rural situation. The universe needed to remind me that I'm a city girl.

Today, in a rush, I came home during a 30 minute lunch to give the dogs a mid-day break. This is usually D's job as he has a long lunch, but is currently out of town. Anyway I ran inside, kicked off my painful shoes and opened the door for the pups. I stayed inside to fix a quick lunch. Suddenly a flurry of barking drew me outside to find the dogs barking madly at a neighbor walking by. No biggie. Since I was shoeless, I had walked out into the yard by hopping from rock to rock laid out in a nice little path. I turned around to go back inside along my rocky path and looked down. This is what I saw.



I had just stepped directly over this lovely little Texas hazard. I froze, backed away out on the grass, grabbed the dogs and made a rather wide circular path back inside. Knowing my tendency to freak out, and not wanting to appear completely ignorant of snake types, (which I am) I immediately do a Google image search on rattlesnakes. Yep, I'd say that's a positive ID. To cover my bases I even checked out pictures of bull snakes just in case I was mistaken. I wasn't.

I then realized that it was time to return to work, but had just enough time to reach back out the door and snap that quick photo. Not bad for leaning way over and just hoping I'm pointing the camera in the right direction, no? Anyway rest assured, universe, I know my place. No more cute shoes out here. I've got my boots and I'll wear them with a dress if I have to.

By the way, this is now what I intend to keep just outside the back door.


All ax wielding maniacs are welcome to come by and try to chop us to bits with our own ax. Just mind the snakes.

Conspiracy Theories (Mel Gibson not included)

The Oscars.....
I just can't seem to stay away from the show that takes 4 hours of my life every year. Of course, Jon Stewart hosting made the whole thing easier to swallow. Anyway, while watching the obligatory performances of nominated songs, I figured out the answer to an oft speculated conspiracy. Get ready......this is good.

Dolly Parton is Elvis.

Take a moment and let this sink in.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Mind-blowing, no? Many believe that Elvis is alive and in hiding. I just can't fathom that if Elvis is still alive that he's just laying low. What better way to stick around and maintain a music career than create an alter ego? I mean, Garth Brooks could have taken a few notes from Elvis in the mulit-persona arena. I mean what was up with that Chris guy anyway? Allow me to present a few points to ponder:

1. Dolly just turned 60, Elvis would be 71 (pretty close, and he'd want to become someone younger to be able to stick around a little longer)
2. Both are southern and proud of it.
3. Both are talented performers. Now don't get me wrong, but they do both have an inexplicable, devoted, cultish following.
4. Theme parks dedicated to both. I mean, there's no Bananarama Land, Or Depeche Mode Water Park.
5. Both have slightly bizarre and definitely unique "looks".
6. Elvis died in '77, just 2 or 3 years after Dolly started making occasional television appearances like Candid Camera.
7. Elvis could have easily recorded Dolly's early music at Graceland with little outside help.
   
8. Both starred in some memorable movies and some utterly forgettable ones. (OK, that's not exclusive to Dolly & Elvis.

Pretty convincing, no? Well, at least a new way to waste five or ten minutes of your day. Hope you enjoyed.

m

If you name your dog Rex, will he have an Oedipal complex?

I can't believe that I have become one of those people. D and I took Felix to the vet today because he has relapsed in the housetraining department. Our first thought was...."Well he's being an asshole." Then we let paranoia take over and began to wonder about possible bladder problems. Well, after 2 1/2 minutes at the vet we hear, "He's a headcase. Congratulations." How embarrassing to out your own doggie hypochondria. The vet (a huge fan of Jack Russells and has two of his own) offered some sage advice as we left his office. "Good Luck." Hey, it was free.

Great, he's not even 4 months old and we're dealing with psychological problems. Maybe I can read up on my Freud, have Felix lay down on his doggie couch and tell me how he really feels about his sudden lack of urinary control. (I think that leopard print on the couch really adds something!)

He's always been weird, but dogs just are sometimes, right? So now after six weeks of puppy school, we've learned that we have one dog that's really smart (and a headcase) and one dog that's very athletic, but not so quick on the uptake. So we've got a neurotic bedwetter and a dumb jock? OK, alright, take it easy, no big deal. We just need an artist/drama student, a hardcore ROTC cadet and an FFA member and we've got our own Dog High School population! I wonder if we could actually simulate a genuine adolescent experience with the right combination of dogs. It boggles the mind.

Anyway, here's the meat and potatoes of the blog: (that was for you, Mr. Lash. Bob's your uncle.)




























Spoiled rotten brats.....No wonder they have problems.