Monday, March 06, 2006

Conspiracy Theories (Mel Gibson not included)

The Oscars.....
I just can't seem to stay away from the show that takes 4 hours of my life every year. Of course, Jon Stewart hosting made the whole thing easier to swallow. Anyway, while watching the obligatory performances of nominated songs, I figured out the answer to an oft speculated conspiracy. Get ready......this is good.

Dolly Parton is Elvis.

Take a moment and let this sink in.
Mind-blowing, no? Many believe that Elvis is alive and in hiding. I just can't fathom that if Elvis is still alive that he's just laying low. What better way to stick around and maintain a music career than create an alter ego? I mean, Garth Brooks could have taken a few notes from Elvis in the mulit-persona arena. I mean what was up with that Chris guy anyway? Allow me to present a few points to ponder:
  1. Dolly just turned 60, Elvis would be 71 (pretty close, and he'd want to become someone younger to be able to stick around a little longer)
  2. Both are southern and proud of it.
  3. Both are talented performers. Now don't get me wrong, but they do both have an inexplicable, devoted, cultish following.
  4. Theme parks dedicated to both. I mean, there's no Bananarama Land, Or Depeche Mode Water Park.
  5. Both have slightly bizarre and definitely unique "looks".
  6. Elvis died in '77, just 2 or 3 years after Dolly started making occasional television appearances like Candid Camera.
  7. Elvis could have easily recorded Dolly's early music at Graceland with little outside help.
  8. Both starred in some memorable movies and some utterly forgettable ones. (OK, that's not exclusive to Dolly & Elvis.
Pretty convincing, no? Well, at least a new way to waste five or ten minutes of your day. Hope you enjoyed.



Mel-a-rific said...



tiny robot said...

So if true, then somehow, Elvis got all the fat from his gut and used that to make giant gravity-defying boobs? Hmmm...yeah, I'm starting to see it. The visual is kinda misty and sparkly and "Dreamweaver" is playing in the background...