Sunday, August 20, 2006

As many of you out there in Tvland may know, those turds at UT finally caught on after nearly two years that I am no longer a student have shut down my e-mail address. It was my primary for 7 years and it was a conduit through which the trivial and inappropriate could safely find their way without the threat of jeopardizing my employment.

So what have we been doing since our last real post about Kinky Friedman, who continues to claim victory in poll after poll in Texas:

  • Today, we heard the Johnny Cash version of "Hurt" by Nine Inch Nails in the grocery store today. For those who know us or have been to our local grocery store, it would be an understatement to say that it was surreal to hear that song. It is also the second time in 2 years that we have heard a decent song at the grocery store (The first was MacArthur Park)
  • Stupid-ass Felix, seen below jumping for joy at hearing that Mars is bringing back the light brown M&M*, got bit by a second rattlesnake that was promptly run over by the ranch foreman the next day. This time was not nearly as scary as both dogs have been vaccinated for rattlesnake venom. He was fine after about 2 hours, back to his stupid self.

  • My sister and Adam came to visit while M was in Chicago visiting her sister. I made crafts, we had some really bad mexican food (really bad), bought 36 Miller High-Lifes (which I just finished off this past week), and one of them ate my peanut butter cups. Both deny it, but one of them had to have eaten it. I know I didn't.
  • Speaking of missing things, (if I didn't have a fish, then why did I have the bowl, Bart, why did I have the bowl?) I have been watching the 8th season of the Simpsons this week. Its a good season but there are parts that indicate the oncoming slow death of a show that went from beloved to unwatchable.
  • This past week, I got another write up in the local weekly newspaper. Only here can you make it into a newspaper by doing your job.
  • M took the GRE and did well, so this grad school thing is not beer talk, she is really going. So for all of you cheap motherfuckers** who complain that you shouldn't have to pay school taxes because they don't have kids, watch out, cause she'll get ya.
  • After two years of living in the country, here is our tally of dangerous creatures that we have run across: 1 black widow spider, 3 brown recluse spiders, 5+ scorpions, and 3 rattlesnakes. However, this is mitigated by 3 road runners, a couple of horny toads, a tarantula, countless rabbits (jack and cottontail), horses, and cows, a llama, and one Mississippi Kite chick with its parents.

*In the words of the tax guy from that enduring 1990s Tostitos commercial: "No, not really."
**Yeah, I used AND spelled out the whole word. That's how strongly I feel.


Theresa said...

Light brown M&Ms are coming back? Awesome!!

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I thought that light brown M*Ms thing was true until I read the bottom. You bastard, why do you have to shit on my dreams? You know those light brown ones tasted better than any of the others.
I like your cute Mississippi Kite pics...I didn't know what a Kite was. I saw a hawk the other day on the UNT campus. It was cool.
~The Booklahver

LeFoyeur said...

I didn't eat your damn peanut-butter cups, my proof: I haven't eaten peanut-butter since I was about 6. I think it was your sister. You want to know what deadly creatures I've seen so far in Gainesville, no less than 5 gators. Also, I saw snakes, ON A PLANE! Totally awesome.

tiny robot said...

D, post some pics of the MS Kite chick! Do you think the lil fella will be around for our visit?

Jhud said...

Love your blog. I live in the country near Briggs, Texas and can appreciate the travails of dogs vs. snakes.

The Kite photos were great!! When I was younger, I thought they were falcons!

Horny Toads!! I've seen only one in the last 7 yrs. - it seems the fire ants, supplanting the Texas native species, are starving my favorite lizard out of existence.

DM said...

Actually, I forgot to mention that we have 3 or 4 baby horny toads that live in our yard. They are the only reason we have allowed two giant red ant mounds thrive in our yard (which is brown from drought anyway).

Uncle Joe said...

Deadly creatures - Ha.

We have Santorum and Habay here.

Uncle Joe