Thursday, June 08, 2006

Not so scary after all, and yet so much scarier.

So I was sitting on the floor sorting laundry and Oscar trots up to climb over the clothes and find the perfect spot in my lap. I take a second glance at him and have a horrible moment of deja vu. His mouth is swollen on one side. Something bit him. DAMN! We just killed that snake the other day, don't tell me there's another one and we have to go through this again! Well after a more thorough investigation, I realize there are no holes in has face and he seems fine. Whew.

This got me thinking, though. This is exactly the stuff I used to be so scared of when thinking about adulthood and responsibility and all that crap. I think I've learned more living out here in the sticks than I realized. For a long time I was really scared of the thought of owning a house. Apartment living was so nice in that someone else always had to fix the broken fridge or air conditioner or kill the bugs. This house (though we rent it) has given us a little practice. We have fixed some of the stuff around here ourselves and it really wasn't a big deal. I even installed a toilet tank on my own! (this is M talking, I once broke a toe just walking past my bed....I'm not so handy) Anyway, I figured that if we can handle fixing problems in a house so old that no knows its age, there's not really that much to worry about. It only took 27 years to come to this realization!

But it also gets really scary when I think about things that are a little more important than tile or faucets. The puppies are our next step on the long road to kids and it may sound stupid, but they are giving us a little practice. After deciding that Oscar was probably OK, all I could think was "I'm so glad we don't have to go through that again." And it wasn't the interruption of a favorite TV show, or the expense that so vividly rushed back from my memory. It was the worry and fear that stayed with me. I wasn't ready to lose a dog I'd only known for six months. Jeez, we sure get attached quickly! It turns out the scary stuff comes wrapped in a cute little creature. It's not the daily things like house training or making sure there's enough dog food that is hard. It turns out the hard part of responsibility is worry, panic, regret (I should have killed that damn snake months ago when I had a chance) and being able to take a step back when you know something could go really wrong. Man, that's big. And these are dogs, not kids! I think I'll take another 27 years to think about this some more.

5 comments:

Mel-a-rific said...

I think ya'll will make great parents! When we go camping, we can craft a backpack that hauls both baby AND firewood!

G.J. McCarthy said...

You know, Michelle and I feel the same way about our cats ... only difference is that while you're worried something is going to happen to your dogs, I'm gripped by the constant fear that our little monsters will cause something to happen.

PS -- Mellen, the proper contraction of "you" and "all" is "y'all." Keep it up, and I'll ask Gov. Good Hair to revoke your status as a Texan and excommunicate you to live amongst the yankees in Okie C.

LeFoyeur said...

I hate to be a total tool, Gerry, but being a man who has a hate-hate relationship with orthographical conventions such as the apostrophe, --designed and perpetrated by 12th grade English teachers everywhere--
I point you to the wikipedia article:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Y'all

Mellen ain't so wrong.

tiny robot said...

M, how about I have some babies and you and D be Auntie and Uncle?

Seriously, my biological clock isn't just ticking, it's ringing lately. It's all very strange and surreal. I used to avoid kids at all cost and get nauseaus just thinking about being responsible for one. But for the past few months, I've been craving babies, and not for lunch. (Eh heh...that's supposed to be funny.)

Anyhoo, I might just run over to China and adopt a couple kids, seeing as how the possibility of pregancy for me is much the same as a fish getting that "proverbial" bicycle.

Okay, okay, T.M.I. I've rambled on far too long. What I wanted to say was that you and D will make wonderful parents one day! Fo' shizzle!

Uncle Joe said...

Don't be fooled by any similarity between dogs and kids. Dogs obey your commands, come when they are called, clean their plates, are much easier to housebreak, and do not return the car with an empty gas tank.

Seriously, you made it this far and the dogs are still alive. Ya'll (no, wait) - Y'all (no) - Yinz (much better) are ready for kids.

Uncle Joe